yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
