Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
