Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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