Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
