Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
