My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
