the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
