My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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