lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
