He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
