Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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