a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
