here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
