There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
