is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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