mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
