The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
