Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
