I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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