i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
