if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
