I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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