ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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