So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
