i was born a porn star she said
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
