9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
