Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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