put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
