Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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