im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
