are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
