You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
