Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
