there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
