# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
