tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
