Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
