question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
