margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
