you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
