I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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