we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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