Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
