i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
