u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
