Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
