and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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