It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
