Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Terrible idea I love it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
