No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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