i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
