I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
