I think my fart just growled at me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My penis needs a shock collar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
