so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
