i need an iv and a liver transplant
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
